Entries
{Friday, July 24, 2009 @ 10:37 AM}
i'm getting my bike in less than..... 5 hours.
I AM PANICKING.
i'm the only one in the family who knows how to ride. what if i lose my way while going down the random streets in singapore? or i get lost in some secluded area and my mobile phone's run out of battery? what if my bike breaks down in the middle of the highway? what if i get into a freaking
accident?!
shit. now i think about this. and to think everyone has been telling me to never ride a bike. or to get a license and that was that. but i got pissed. i wanted to do something and complete it. not just do it for the sake of doing it and stopping halfway, like piano (when i was really young), guitar (eventually gave up on it, even though i finished the 6 months crash course), drums (it's been months since i even sat on the stool and groove to the music).
everything's hitting me right smack in the face now. have i not thought about the consequences? i cant believe how naive i was.
shit. this cannot happen. i shouldnt feel this way, i should feel good about myself. a month, and i should be an excellent rider.
i'm giving my mom nightmares. she'll blame herself if anything really happens to me. she gave me permission to ride. it was only after the okay go that it started to sink in. but it's not her! it's my character. i'll do it if i really want. it's just a matter of time. and her logic was that, she'd rather i ride with her knowing than i ride behind her back.
look, i will put it as me being an ass and you being the mother you've always been, giving. i wont blame anyone. i got myself into this. didnt think it'll be so serious, but it was SOLELY ME. no one could have deterred me from doing the things i wanted to do. it was the same for everything else. i wanted to be some freakass musician and i got it. i lived in "rockstardom". for a short period of time. jamming and performance days are long gone. it was fun while it lasted.
but that's not what i'm trying to say. all i'm saying is
i'll treasure my life
Labels: panick attack
