Entries
{Wednesday, October 27, 2010 @ 11:00 PM}
why do you not come at times when i need you most?
know why i'm bummed? because i dont like that i can only express myself on these spaces. where i cant tell people straight to their faces what i really think about them. maybe its because i grew up with the mentality that less is more. what's the use of pointing things out so blatantly? yes it allows me to notice people. but i cant speak.
i need to be able to express myself more emotionally, apparently. according to someone who wrote on my piece of paper, where they write pros and cons about a person. another person wrote spilt personality. hahaha. insulted, but i dont deny it. sometimes, i cant help it. its the internal battle taking place in my head. most times, i'll be like ahh fuck this world i'm doing what i like. joking/fooling ard. then there are times when i'll go. why the f are you talking to me? do i know you very well? and that's usually the one on one conversations. and i'm weird. because i expect people to make the first move, but then i decide whether i want to talk to that person or not. GEDDIT!? hahhaa.
anw. i just find words flow a lot easier. in black and white. not like in my head. because i need a lot of time to think through things. so i dont sound shallow, or uncreative. because i have a personality to keep up with. the funny one. if i got all serious, it'll seem weird. i dont like it. i dont like showing emotion. i dont like looking weak. and that means crying. i hate that. and its me. dont go saying oh crying isnt showing weakness. to me, it is.
aiyah. what i'm trying to say is. i need to get a script ready for my speech. HAHAH.
Labels: dear words
