sigh CNY. it's been a while, and i'm still never in the mood to stay in a room for more than 10 mins. because i'd much rather hang with the older generation than my cousins. is that weird?

but i'm serious. i dont like the bitching and fake pretence when i'm in there. we usually go to my grandma's place, and it's usually split into 3 grps. the living room, the room and the kitchen. i'm mostly in the kitchen. not because the food's there. nope, the food's in the living room. and it's the adults who'll sit ard outside to watch tv. the room's where most of the cousin would be, including the aunt who wants to act like one of us.

sigh. i'm irritated. because i see people and i feel they dont deserve their husbands. and i keep wondering why they're so lucky to get these guys who're either capable, earning loads, and my dream guy. or, they'll cook, clean and work, and my dream guy. and their wives? whom i'm blood related to? total assholes. okay not really, i'm just annoyed and jealous.

why're they lucky enough to get these guys? who're afraid of them, and would willingly do what they're told. who'll shut up if they knew a storm was brewing.

know why i'm really irritated? it's because they've pissed me off so many times, but i dont show it. their words are lined with malice. and i might not bother much, but they go overboard so often, that i'll walk away. why should i stay and get made fun of. and know what's the worst part? they can make fun of people all they want. talk bad about them in a joking fashion and they get pissed. WTF? do onto to others what you want others do onto you. it's smth i learnt from my days in PHS. and i try my best to keep with it.

you make fun of people so often but you cant even take it when the joke's on you. and it's not just that. it's either they're touching my stomach to "check" if i have a navel piercing, since they found out my sis got it. or holding my arm and squeezing it, continuously. (you know how girls, or fat people in general, tend to be more conscious of all these areas and wouldnt want people touching it?) telling me to get a tattoo (as if she's really all that relaxed about it. oh please.) my mom was all "SHE WANTS! DONT ENCOURAGE" well obviously she doesnt know. and when i was telling her about tattoos, (stupid move, i know), and i was just saying i'll get it somewhere hidden. and she was all "why not get it on your hand or something" and i'm like "what? it's too obvious. when you go out and meet people, they'll judge you immediately." and she went "oh, so when you get a tattoo it's not to show people" i went "huhh...? oh of course for myself la." that conversation was a little duhhh. but what the hell man. i dont even know what she got outta that. and also the fact that she asked if i was interested in guys, when i said no guys liked me. this was all my aunt.

now with my cousin. she'll use snide comments like "wow, still eating?" she does that hand on stomach thing too. and she cant take jokes for nuts. but when she mocks someone, it's totally okay.

sigh family gatherings. how i dislike thee. i guess i just really enjoy the company from the boys. which is pretty ironic, because how can you dislike one person so much, but be so alright with the rest of her family?

i'm sorry. but i'm not about to let you in on my embarrassing past. too bad if you missed the entries! heh heh hehhhh