Entries
{Monday, March 28, 2011 @ 12:31 AM}
2 fucking weeks of running ard, OT-ing in the office till 10ish, going back on weekends. then staying till 3am. cabbing to the hotel and cabbing back all while the rest of the world is asleep. it's finally over.and yet, there isnt a sense of accomplishment that overwhelms me. no satisfaction. not even a flicker of happiness, that everything's done. that i'll never go back to being in the office stoning in front of the computer. getting scolded. the disappointment with the screw ups. just glad it's over. now, what am i gna do? events aint my thing. i dont like the adrenalin rush. i dont like being talked down. she says we're the lowest, in terms of wages, and being under everyone. and yet, she talks down to me. then she isnt the lowest. because i am. i thought i'll enjoy it. having things to do, and i was. but i cant forgive myself for all the screw ups. when it's solely my fault. i'm irritated with myself. because i cant help but feel she blames me. and i blame myself too. i dont want sympathy, but i know i messed up. and i'm annoyed with myself. i cant take the judging. i'm pissed and i dont want to feel this way.
i should be happy. i'm done with school, although that's a disappointment too. and no, i'd rather not do it again. i disliked studying and we'll just see where the wind takes me.
Labels: exhaustion
