i think i understand her rationale. to start afresh in a new country. to build from there. to be cut off from the nightmares that haunt so badly. is it a good decision though? i'm wondering because maybe i should do the same thing too.

what have i got to hold on to here? nothing. keeping in touch is so easy, there's nothing holding me back. i've got no commitments. i might even be able to get a nice decent job there. but that's just me being unnaturally optimistic.

i'm influenced by the american culture anw. it's only normal to want to move out and start my own life right? but i cant help but feel obliged to stay here. i mean how can i just drop everything? everything i've currently got. not much, but enough to get me by. i dont know.

but the prospect of getting away from it all. wow. that'll be the life. not like i havent been thrown in a totally different environment before. culture shock and all. i should be fine. i even excelled in such a situation. maybe it's for the best. because it made me focus. no more distractions. raging hormones didnt even cut it. because i was just not interested in anything, and i did my homework, and got good grades. messed up life, pfft. i had the time of my life. i was happy. people looked up to me. i was talked about. i was interesting and people wanted to know me. and i was happy.

sigh.

i'm sorry. but i'm not about to let you in on my embarrassing past. too bad if you missed the entries! heh heh hehhhh