Entries
{Sunday, June 19, 2011 @ 12:06 AM}
i'm tired.
of waiting. of longing. of disappointed expectations. i dont know how long i can take this.
and i've spiraled into a black hole. depressed that harry potter is ending and feeling guilty for what i am about to do. what with everyone being so nice and i dont know if i can do it. but i have to. because i've signed the other contract.
and that my life is a crazy little whirlwind of adventures right now.
cant help but feel a crush of my already pathetically miniscule ego everytime i gaze around and people watch. i must be doing something wrong. but i dont know what. could it be the introverted personality? am i really better off being by myself? swallowed by my own thoughts. while i contemplate what life has installed for me? drowning others with my silence while appearing sober and optimistic?
why does the thought of leaving this place surround me so much. and not just to another country. because what good would that do? people get sentimental and then you have to come back eventually. i cant wait to settle down, yet i feel like i'm wasting out on my youth.
someone asked me what i liked doing in my free time. and i was flummoxed. i read and surf the net. and he said, i'm a movies and stay-in kinda girl. but i dont want that. i want to be adventurous. but i'm not. i want to make music, write lyrics. sing and go crazy. but i cant cos i'm not trying. and i beat myself up for it. all the fucking time.
listening to
Open at the Close my Oliver Boyd and The Remembralls. thinking about life makes me tired.
Labels: arent you?
