Entries
{Sunday, March 09, 2014 @ 11:38 PM}
on days like these, i miss you so much. i miss your warm hugs, and your long kisses. i've never felt like this with anyone else. i've never been able to connect as emotionally as we have, with anyone else. my views are so different from the general consensus, and yet you accepted them. you know what's good for me. even if it means hurting yourself in the process.
i know you loved me, and i loved you too. but for you to give up on us, even if for the sake of both of us, or according to you, for my sake. who am i to keep holding on? for so long, i've lived in denial. living in my little bubble. dissing everyone who thinks we're wrong for each other. for so long, i've hoped that one day, when we've been together for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, that eventually my family, society, your family, will be willing to accept you, me, and the thought of us.
i dont care about them now. they try to tear us down, but who are they to tell me what's right or wrong for me? they have no say in what i do with my life. fucking ethnocentric people. you dont fucking get to tell me what i should do. who the fuck do you think you are?
i never cared, and never will. stares dont scare me. i've had to endure stares since i was a young age, you think they'll faze me? pfft.
but on a night like this, i am beyond broken. i want someone to tell me life is going well. that my choices in life have been great. solely because i have been responsible. i have taken care of myself, and made my own decisions, without implicating others. mistakes, but i take full responsibility. and that is something i'm proud of.
tonight, looking at entries in my book, i realised just how lonely i really am. only tonight. maybe it's the pms. but it sucks knowing i cant vent my anger on anyone anymore. that no one will accept me.. that no one can or will be willing to go with me again. it took me so long to get over the first, and now this.
i dont know how i'll get over you. i probably wont. because i've loved you so deeply. and it kills me to know you love me still, but that we cant continue this.
i havent cried since monday, when you held me in your arms, because i requested you to. i thought by giving a written agreement that i wouldnt feel this way. that my determination would take full control over my emotions. i didnt expect emotions to be so hard to control. do i really want it to be controlled though?
